It’s Time

I think it’s time.

The renewal date for this domain comes up like clockwork, every summer.  And for the last….oh, I don’t know….three, four, six years….I’ve hung onto it, even though my heart hasn’t been in it.  I’ve put up things here and there, gotten excited in fits and starts, but it just isn’t the same.  It isn’t what it was.  It’ll never be that again.

It’s almost embarassing how badly I’ve let it go.  I need to let it go, but I just haven’t been able to.  This space deserves better.  The Rick Springfield fans that stumble upon this piece of Internet real estate deserve better.  Just because I am not active and engaged in the Rick Springfield fan world anymore doesn’t mean that there aren’t a lot that are.  There are tons that are.  Probably more than there were when I was so heavily involved.  And they’re coming here because they want current information.

And it isn’t here.  I didn’t chronicle the biggest news this year, Rick’s work with David Grohl and the Sound City Players.  I didn’t talk about the movie that was on cable this year about his fans.  I didn’t talk about the second book that I hear he’s penning.  I heard about them, I was so happy for him, and I still love him.

But.

There was a time when this space here, it was my everything.  It honestly meant more to me than anything except my family.  And my family would probably argue that at times, it felt like this space was more important to me than them.  I would wake up in the morning and check my RS emails.  I would update my websites.  I would send messages out to the “Rick List”.  I would monitor the message board.  I would get my kids up, deal with their needs, get them where they needed to be, all the while wondering what I was missing online in the Rick World. I would get back to it as soon as there was a nap, a TV show, anything to keep everyone else busy so I could get back to the Rick World.  And after everyone was all tucked in for the night I spent hours designing website designs, graphics, pitching ideas to keep the fans busy and in touch and connected to Rick.  It was all consuming, all day long, every single day.

I went to shows, as many as I could.  It was never enough.  I had young children, a husband with a demanding job.  If I could get to four or five a year, that would be a good year.  I went to shows while pregnant with my two younger children.  I knew people who went to twenty, thirty a year.  They traveled all over.  I could never afford to go far from home.  I watched as people spent thousands of dollars flying all over the country, buying hotel rooms and plane tickets.  It was an exhausting game that I never felt quite good enough at.  A constant state of feeling like there was something I was missing, something I should be doing more of or better at.

And there are still people out there doing just that, still.  Doing all of those things.  They are online here, looking for information and wondering what kind of fan I am for not posting any of it.  I used to work on this site twenty, thirty, fifty hours a week.  There are fan sites out there now that remind me of my own back in the day.  I sense their passion, their excitement, their fever.

And there’s nothing wrong with it.  I just can’t keep up with it anymore.  It doesn’t mean I don’t love Rick’s music, or follow what he’s doing still, or that I’m not insanely grateful for every single experience I have had connected to him.  Because I am, a thousand times over.  I will always think of him with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart.  I will still go to a show now and then if the time and place align with my current world and its demands.  And when I do, I hope that I can shake his hand and see his shy smile.

But until then, it’s probably time for me to finally realize that it’s time.  It’s time to let this space go.  Seventeen years is one hell of a ride.  But it’s time.

(she says with her hands hanging firmly on the ledge, afraid as can be of letting go)

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